


Count Your Blessings, Not Your Flaws

by bythegraceofcass



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Anxiety, Chronic Illness, Consensual Somnophilia, Depression, Dildos, Dirty Talk, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Frottage, Gay Sex, Gentle Dom Cas, Graphic Self Harm (Cutting), Graphic Suicide Attempt, Hurt/Comfort, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Light Bondage, Lingerie, M/M, Major Character Injury, Masturbation, Military Working Dogs, Oral Sex, Orgasm Denial, Panty Kink, Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy, Rimming, Service Dogs, Sex Toys, Sub Dean, Subdrop, Suicidal Thoughts & Ideation, Switch Cas, Voyeurism, graphic depictions of military violence, marine!Dean, mechanic!Dean, this is not for the faint of heart, veterinarian!Cas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-01-11 01:39:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12312117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bythegraceofcass/pseuds/bythegraceofcass
Summary: While Dean Winchester is stationed in the Helmand Province of Afghanistan as a Military Working Dog Handler, he and his dog accidentally step on and detonate a hidden IED. Fast forward 6 years later and Dean lives with his little brother and service dog in Manhattan, New York as an amputee veteran suffering from PTSD, RSD and Depression.Castiel Novak is a well known Veterinarian in the heart of Greenwich. When one fateful, yet rather unfortunate, accident brings Dean Winchester to Castiel's practice sparks fly and romance blossoms. Could Castiel be the one to prove to Dean he is worth more than he thinks? Could Castiel be the one to show Dean what it's like to love and be loved? Could he be the one to show Dean the beauty in the world?Can love really put a broken man back together again?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to thank all who have pushed me to start writing again, especially my best friend, Tina. This thing is dedicated to you, love. Thank you to those on Tumblr and Facebook who have read my sample chapter and stroked my ego down to the bone with lovely comments and constructive criticism.
> 
> Some of this has been researched, some comes from experience as I myself suffer from RSD and PTSD, though I am not a veteran, I do have a pretty good grasp of the illness. This will be a bumpy ride, it is not for the faint of heart. However, I do hoe you enjoy it and find solace in it if you, too, suffer from chronic illness or mental illness. 
> 
> Music does play a huge part in this story, so I will either link the song list from my tumblr account or leave a list at the end of the story. I'll be sure to keep you updated on that. 
> 
> Now, Buckle up! This is gonna be a bumpy ride...

 

Prologue

Helmand Province, Afghanistan  
Patrol Base Barioli  
2011

It was a scorching Thursday afternoon. Dean had recieved orders to head out with his patrol team to check out a compound just outside of the wire. He walked to the kennels next door to the Alaskan tent and approached his dogs kennel.

The stunning black German Shepherd Dog awoke and quickly stood up when she heard her master approaching, whining and wagging her tail enthusiastically at the sight of him. “Hey, sweetheart…” Dean spoke softly to the beloved canine. To most soldiers, their dogs were just another piece of their gear; to Dean, each and every dog he worked with over the last 4 years was apart of him.

He unlatched the metal gate and knelt down, gripping the dogs fur on her neck with one hand and stroking her head with the other “Alright, Emily. Ready to get to work, Darlin’?” He murmured gently, clasping her leash on her collar and leading her out, shutting the gate behind him.

Dean and Emily worked through a few obedience commands to sharpen her skills before gearing her up. He packed up the essentials, picked up his gun and met with his patrol team. He was pleased to see Benny would be accompanying him today. “We all set, brother?” the burly man asked. Benny was pure muscle standing at six feet tall. Dean pitied anyone who stood in his way. He nodded in answer and made way to the front of the line. Sergeant Eliot Ness instructed him of his tasks and ordered everyone to begin moving.

Once the patrol team entered the compound they allowed Dean and Emily to get to work. Dean let the dog off leash each time they entered a room, putting her leash back in place when they would walk to a new location and repeating the process. When they approached the final room, Dean was reaching for his canteen as Emily walked slowly at the end of her leash, panting heavily.

Suddenly, a sharp, loud bang could be heard for at least two miles if not more. Dean had just walked passed the threshold when the IED went off. The clay room collapsed in rubble on top of both Dean and his dog. Dean’s vision came and went as pain shot through his entire body; his skin burned and his leg felt soaked and pinned.

“I’m coming brother! Don’t move!” It was Benny. Dean could feel foot fall around his body and the crushing weight of rubble being removed from his torso and leg. “Benny..” Dean mumbled “No. There… could be… more of ‘em,” he could hardly speak as he found it painful to breath. “Never mind them damn things,” Benny stated as he knelt down to pick something up, putting it by Dean’s side and very gently placing his hand over it. It felt soft, somewhat coarse and breathing heavily: Emily. Dean’s friend then knelt beside him and placed his head in his lap before reaching over to tie a tourniquet around his busted and heavily bleeding leg.

Stroking the other man’s face free of filth, sweat and hair plastered to his forehead, Benny struggled not to break down at the sight of his best friend “I’ve had worse,” Benny said, choking out a chuckle as tears began streaming down his cheeks. “Listen, brother,” Benny cleared his throat, struggling to speak around the lump inside it “Ness called for the MEDEVAC, it should be here any second now. You and Emily are gonna be just fine. You ain’t smokin’ out on me yet, you hear?” Dean nodded slightly, his vision glazing over due to the blood loss in his leg.

A few moments later, sand began flying into mini tornados as the helicopter landed. Four men jumped out with a stretcher and ran to retrieve the fallen soldier. “Alright, those bastards finally made it. You better write me every chance you get, you hear me? I want a letter everyday, some ‘Notebook’ shit.” Benny let out a strangled laugh as the men approached the scene. After they loaded Dean onto the stretcher Benny gently picked up Emily and gingerly laid her across Dean’s torso. He followed his best friend to the helicopter before quickly saying his goodbye’s “I’ll see you as soon as I get back home to Louisiana. You let me know how that leg goes. Love you, brother. Never forget that.” Dean reached out a hand and the two men held each other briefly before Dean was loaded into the MEDEVAC and taken to the hospital.

__

A few days later, Dean awoke to intense pain, an IV hooked up in multiple places and a breathing tube in his throat. Dean began to panic as he fought against the machine, he felt a call button in his hand and pushed it relentlessly over and over as his heart monitor began to beep due to his anxiety. A military nurse hurried to his side, attempting to calm him down as she turned the breathing machine off and gently pulled the tube from his throat. "Lance Corporal Winchester? Do you know where you are,sir?" The nurse inquired as she checked his vitals and paged the doctor. "My leg... my body.." Dean choked out, the pain washing over him as if he had stepped on that bomb all over again.

Just then, the doctor came into his bay. "Lance Corporal Winchester, my name is Doctor Freely. I work in the trauma and ICU ward. Do you remember what happened?" The doctor quickly checked his chart as the nurse pushed pain medicine into his IV, hurrying off to get a bag of morphine for an IV drip. Dean shook his head slightly , memories slowly coming back to him. "I... I was patrolling a compound just outside the wire at Barioli Base. My MWD and I accidentally detonated an IED." The doctor nodded gravely "Good. Very good. Unfortunately... Mr. Winchester, I have some bad news." Dread's icy fingers grasped Dean's heart, he could feel his body grow cold. "You see, Dean. The way your leg was injured.. it was beyond repair." The doctor side, moving to look Dean in the eye "I'm afraid we had to amputate the limb from the knee down."

Dean swallowed, unable to process the information. He pulled the blanket back, noticing burns on his arms as he did so, and went pale at the site of his stump of a leg. "Where's my dog?" He murmured, staring at his stitched limb in complete and utter shock "Where's Emily?" Dean slowly pulled the blanket back over himself, his face growing hot as tears filled his eyes. The doctor sighed sadly "Emily made it, but she is waiting to be adopted by another veteran. Dean, you know you cannot adopt the dog you work with. It's against military policy."

Rage filled Dean, then. He started pushing the blanket back and grabbed for his crutches before the doctor pushed him forcefully back against the bed. "NURSE!" the doctor yelled as Dean fought against him "Let me go! I'm getting my fucking dog!" Dean shouted, pushing the doctor away and once again trying to get out of bed. "NURSE! PROPOFOL!" The nurse immediately ran to Dean's bed with a syringe loaded with medication. The doctor quickly pushed it into Dean's IV and his body instantly went limp.

The last thing he uttered before he blacked out was Emily's name.


	2. And So It Is

Six Years Later 

Dean awoke early in the morning to the loud bustling of Manhattan. Grace, his Golden Retriever and Service Dog, arose from her spot next to him, jumped off of the queen sized bed and hurried to retrieve her masters prosthetic leg propped up at the foot of the bed. 

Dean sat up, pushed the blanket back from his body, kicked his one good leg over to the side of the bed and looked down at his missing limb. He was at least thankful he still had his other leg. Grace brought him the prosthetic leg and he gingerly took it from the golden canine, praising her and giving her a quick scratch on the head. “Thanks, Gracie girl,” he murmured, reaching into his nightstand to pull out the rubber piece which goes over his stump, a sock band to go around the rubber piece and a spray bottle of alcohol. 

Dean sat everything aside on his nightstand, put the fake leg on his bed and grabbed the crutches leaning against his headboard next to him. Hobbling to the bathroom, leaving the door open behind him just in case he needed Gracie’s assistance, He turned on the shower and brushed his teeth, relieved himself, and once he tested the water, carefully hopped in the walk-in amenity. 

Dean sat down on his shower seat and took great care to ignore his body. He hated the scars the burns left him, patches of scarring deeper than others. Everytime he so much as glanced at what the war did to him he would be immediately plagued by flashbacks and nightmares for at least a week, so.. he did all he could to ignore everything. 

Once Dean finished cleaning up he shut the water off, stood up and carefully hopped back out of the walk-in shower. He looked around and swore under his breath when he realized he had forgotten his towel. “Grace!” he called as he leaned against the wall next to him with his left arm in order to help support his body weight, since he no longer had a leg to do it for him. The dog came rushing into the bathroom and sat in front of her master, looking him in the eye expectantly. “Towel, please.” Dean commanded. The dog stood up and swiftly made for the linen closet in the bathroom, spacious for a two bedroom apartment. She pulled down on the paracord braid hanging from the door, causing it to open, and pulled out a towel. Bringing the towel straight back to Dean, Grace quickly returned to the linen closet and pushing the door closed with her nose. 

Dean grinned at how the dog performed the entirety of her task without his assistance “That’s my girl,” Dean praised as Grace wagged her tail before laying on the cool tile, keeping an eye on her handler. 

Once Dean finished drying off he wrapped the towel around his waist, grabbed his crutches and hobbled back to his bedroom, Grace following next to him. Stopping at his dresser in front of his bed, equipped with a television and cable box, Dean picked up his watch, slipped it on and began to pull out a pair of jeans, boxers, socks and an ACDC t-shirt. He pulled the towel from around his waist and tossed it into the hamper next to his dresser.

After Dean put his boxers and shirt on, saving his jeans for last, he reached over for his prosthetic leg, rubber stump cover, sock band and spray bottle of rubbing alcohol. Step by step he rolled on the rubber cover; taking care to push out any air, then slipped on the sock band over the rubber cover, sprayed a generous helping of rubbing alcohol at the end of his covered stump and on the inside of his prosthetic before slipping the artificial metal leg on and finally, pulled his jeans on. Upon standing, Dean moved his body weight from leg to leg in order to push out the excess air in the prosthesis. 

After Dean made his bed, he grabbed his shoes from his closet, socks in his other hand, and left his bedroom, canine companion by his side. Upon entering the livijg room, he found Sam making breakfast in the kitchen, the smell of bacon filled the room. “Mornin’ Sammy.” Dean muttered as he sat on the couch in the living room to put his shoes and socks on. "Smells good." As Dean put a sock on his good leg he caught note of the time on his watch “Thought you were supposed to be in class? What happened?” He inquired as he carefully slipped the sock on his metal foot, shoe following suit on both real and fake feet. 

The younger Winchester began putting the cooked bacon on a plate next to the stove and moved to the fridge, pulling the carton of eggs out and returned to the stove. “Class was canceled this morning.” He went on to explain his professor’s daughter ended up going into early labor and didn't have a substitute to fill in for her. “So I thought I’d meet up with Kevin in the library and do some extra studying now that our test has been postponed for next week.” Sam stated as he scrambled enough eggs for the two of them. 

When Dean came home from Afghanistan, he didn’t want to stay in Kansas. He needed to forget his past, he needed a change of pace. So, Sam applied to NYU and upon his acceptance, followed Dean to Manhattan where Dean got a job as a mechanic and Sam began studying law. Sam could've gone to Harvard or Stanford, but Dean knew his brother wanted to come with so he could take care of him. Despite Dean telling Sam he could handle living on his own, he knew deep down he needed Sam's help. Both brothers were at least glad Sam earned a scholarship to the university, full ride. So long as Sam kept up his grades and attendance. 

Once Sam finished cooking breakfast, Dean limped to the kitchen, quickly fed Grace and finally sat in his chair. Sam sat a plate full of food in front of Dean before sitting in the chair opposite his brother. "Are you in a lot of pain today?" Sam inquired as he forked a small pile of eggs into his mouth, a worried look on his face. Dean picked up his fork and sighed "No use in lying to you. You have this weird, witchy way of reading my mind." He looked up at his little brother and put his utensil down "It's getting worse, Sam. The pain... it's torture. If I go to the VA I'll be there for days fighting for medical care, pain medicine and money I need." Dean said as he picked his fork back up and began eating. "Dean, please." Sam pleaded, "We don't have great insurance and you really need help. Whatever this RSD thing is, you need it managed. Pain medicine is the only way to manage it, I've read. Along with nerve medications; but apparently most patients don't answer to them." Sam explained as he took another bite of food. 

Dean sighed and reached for his glass of orange juice, once he took a sip he set it down and ran his hand down his mouth and chin "Sam, look. I know you think there's an easy way to fix even some of this. But there isn't, okay? I've tried everything. I've been poked, prodded, I've lost a fucking leg. You understand? I'm done with doctors. They've taken everything from me, Sam! Everything." Dean looked down at his food, angry at all he's lost, "They don't deserve another ounce of my time." 

Sam nodded in understanding and dropped the subject. "Any plans for the day?" he inquired as he got up for another serving. Dean glanced down at Grace who was laid out under his seat in what was known as a 'tuck'. Service Dogs were trained to do it on impulse in order to stay out of the way. "Yeah, I was thinkin' I could take Gracie, here, out on her well deserved outing to the park. Girl's been workin' herself stiff. She could use some Me Time." Dean explained as he got up and limped to the sink to clean the dishes. 

"Hey," Sam called to get his brothers attention "Why don't you and Grace head out? I'll do the dishes and get everything cleaned up." Dean didn't argue and left the dishes in the sink. "Don't have to tell me twice" he said as he struggled to hide his smirk.  
—  
Dishes cleaned and Sam off to the library, Dean sat comfortably on the couch, checking the weather, when he looked down at Grace who was lying at his feet, busy chewing on a toy. “Feel like going to the park?” Once Dean muttered the word ‘park', the dog got up and began dancing excitedly. Dean chuckled and got up to retrieve her leash, whistling for her to come to him so he could clasp her leash on her collar. "You know..." he began as he clasped the leash onto the animals collar "You're a retriever. Retrieving things is your job." Dean laughed quietly and rolled his eyes as he stood up. 

The dog looked up at Dean, a confused look in her eyes. “Not today, sweetheart. You’re getting a well needed day off." Standing at the door, he grabbed his jacket from the coat rack along with a ball from Grace’s wicker basket full of toys. As he slipped the ball in his coat pocket he lifted his keys off of their respectable hook, picked his wallet up from the little table next to the door and left the apartment; locking the door behind him and shoving both wallet and keys in his jeans pocket. 

Once man and dog reached the lobby and left the apartment complex, Dean decided to take the short distance walk to the park since the weather was beautifully brisk. Grace walking at a perfect heel by his side. 

The pair walked almost a half mile before they finally arrived at the park. "Alright, Gracie girl." Dean pulled out his dogs' favorite tennis ball and wiggled it in the air to catch her attention "Ready for some fun?" The dog barked and hopped happily on her back legs. Dean led her to to a small open field, people could be seen picnicking, tossing a football, generally just having human interaction and fun with one another. Dean unclaspsed his dogs leash and tossed it to the ground next to him. 

"Okay girl. Ready?" Dean threw the ball and the dog bolted to after it. Jumping, she caught it midair and brought it back to Dean. He chuckled and clapped at her stunt as she dropped the ball at his feet "That's my girl!" 

An hour passed and, while Grace was jogging back to Dean, tongue hanging out as she panted heavily, she yelped loudly and stumbled to the ground. Dean immediately ran to his companions side. As his eyes scanned for any injury he noticed blood soaking the golden fur on her left paw. Upon further inspection, he noticed a massive shard of glass stuck in her paw and up into the back of her ankle, as blood slowly poured out of her paw. It looked as if it were hitting the bone. 

Dean began to panic, taking his coat off to wrap it around his beloved dog he anxiously demanded someone catch a taxi. Once the man who had been playing catch with his son gave Dean the signal he hailed a car, Dean ran as fast as he good with his prosthetic leg and flung the back door open. 

The driver turned around and, with an aggravated attitude, explained loosely no dogs were allowed in the car. Dean pleaded with the man, showing his dogs injury, showing the large, thick shard of glass sticking out from her paw and ankle. The driver sighed and nodded slightly. Dean slid in, slammed the door and settled his dog carefully in his lap. The driver put the car in drive and sped off "Which vet?" the older man inquired. Dean struggled to keep himself together as flashbacks of Emily begin filling his mind "The closest vet you know." 

\--

Once the driver arrived to the clinic, a large brick building with big white letters on the front spelling "ANIMAL HOSPITAL", Dean handed the driver 95 dollars and gently eased his way out of the Taxi with his dog in his arms. Blood dribbling a trail behind him, he entered the clinic and walked up to the front desk, interrupting a client's conversation with one of the vet techs stabding behind the front desk.

"Please," Dean begged, on the near verge of tears "Gracie got in an accident at the park. She stepped on some glass. It reaches from her paw to the back of her ankle." A tear did, in fact, roll down Dean's check without his realization "please." He said again, grinding his teeth when the word came out for the second time. Dean Winchester never begged. 

The Vet Tech's expression softened and she nodded slightly, exiting her perch behind the desk, she led him to the largest exam room in the back of the clinic. Upon entering, Dean noticed a large metal table, a cat tree in one corner and a basket of dog toys in the other. A jar of treats sat in the corner of the hand washing station along with Q-Tips, cotton balls, cotton pads soaking in alcohol and a box of latex gloves. 

After the tech triaged Grace, gathering only the essential information on a one page form on a clipboard; such as Dean's name, address and contact information, his dogs name, breed, age, reason for visit, she quickly explained the doctor would be in shortly and left the room, shutting the door behind her. Dean leaned against his elbows on the metal exam table, petting Grace gently and whispering sweet nothing's to her. Promising her he would never let her get hurt again; just as Dean was explaining how sorry he was, he heard three rapping knocks on the door and quickly straightened up as a man dressed in a nice pair of slacks, button up dark blue shirt, slate grey tie and white doctors coat with his name and the letters D.V.M. embroidered below the lapel, walked in with the same clipboard the tech had previously, and introduced himself; "Hello, I'm Doctor Castiel Novak. You must be Dean and Grace Winchester. What brings you in, today?" 

The man was sex on legs, dark brown hair slightly unruly, deep blue eyes which reminded Dean of the darkest ocean or the most rarest of diamonds, and that voice. It was as if the guy gargled with gravel every morning; if Dean wasn't there for a stressful situation he probably would've tried his hand at flirting with the guy. 

Not that Dean would get anywhere. He was probably already taken... even though Dean didn't see a ring on the Veterinarians long ring finger. 

"We were at the park," Dean began, his voice shaking from stress and the near verge of tears. "I was tossing Grace's favorite ball and..." he cleared the lump from his throat "I should've patrolled the area first. This shouldn't have happened." Dean ran his hand through his hair and shook his head. "This is my fault. I'm supposed to protect my dog. She relies on me to care for and keep her safe." 

Castiel looked at Dean. Moving over to the other side of the exam table, he put his hand on his clients shoulder and looked him in the eye "Listen to me, Dean. This was not your fault. It was an accident. Accidents happen. It's our job to learn from them and move on. Your Grace looks to be in prestige condition, aside from the glass in her ankle and paw. You did not cause this." Dean looked at the man, it felt as if his blue eyes were looking straight into Dean's soul "Forgive yourself. She does." As Castiel said the last two words he nodded his head in the dogs direction. 

Castiel then began to assess the injury. Going to the cabinet, he pulled out a sheet of paper, wrote something on it and set it next to Dean's dog, referring his attention back to his client. "Here's the plan. She will definitely get to keep her foot but it does look deep. Bone deep. We'll have to put her under sedation, take a quick x-ray, remove the shard, stitch the wound up and apply a soft cast." The Doctor offered a warm smile, causing Dean's heart to stop at the sight of it. In all his life, no one has ever managed to make Dean Winchester that flustered. "So..." he cleared his throat and processed what he had just heard "You won't have to cut off anything? She keeps her paw?" 

Castiel chuckled, nodding his head slightly "Yes, Dean. Gracie here will live comfortably- with all four paws attached." He patted the man on his back and opened the door to the exam room "Meg will see to your paperwork. Grace will have to stay overnight as we're about to close and we are putting her under anesthesia." Castiel explained, leading Dean out of the exam room as two vet techs went inside to remove Grace to the back room. 

"Wait," Dean stopped in his tracks "You said she'd have to stay overnight? You don't understand, she's my-" He couldn't tell him. He didn't want this beautiful man to know he was so broken he needed a dog to fix him. "She's my best friend," Dean continued "I can't leave her here." Castiel offered yet another warm smile "I can assure you, Dean... nothing will happen to your precious girl. Not on my watch." He patted Dean on the shoulder before he turned his attention to his clerk "Alright, Meg. Please be so kind as to check him out, send home some paperwork for him to fill out and instruct him on when he should return it." With that, the Veterinarian turned for the back of the clinic when Dean stopped him, again. Wait," he bit his lip nervously before asking "how will I know if she's doing okay? I can't wait 12+ hours, sir." 

Castiel pulled out a card, leaned against the counter of the front desk and quickly wrote out a phone number "That's my personal cell. I'll call you tonight after I finish her procedure. I promise. Now, duty calls." With that, Cas handed Dean his card and quickly left, leaving Dean with the woman he called 'Meg'.

Meg wasn't the same woman Dean had seen previously. She had dark eyes, dark curly hair and a Cheshire grin on her face as he walked up to pay his bill and collect his paperwork. "Alright, that'll be three hundred and fifty dollars, please." As Dean pulled out his wallet, he froze at the sound of the price "wait, that can't be right. He's doing more than that." The woman sighed and handed him the bill "Apparently he wants to do a lot for free, hot cakes." Dean threw her a slight glare as he quickly read over the bill. Sure enough, he was only paying for sedation, surgery and pain medicine. "Does he always offer free care?" Dean inquired as he handed Meg his credit card. She swiped it and handed him his card back and a receipt to sign, separating his copy from hers. "He sure does. He also volunteers at the local shelters, offers free spay, neuters and vaccines bi-monthly." Wow... So he's the Angel of Animals. Meg handed him a stack of paperwork "please fill this out and bring it back tomorrow. Thank you for choosing us." Dean nodded, slipping his credit card and Castiel's card in his wallet, sticking his wallet back in his jeans pocket, collected the paperwork, receipt and printed bjll and reluctantly left the clinic, and his dog, behind. 

\--

Once Dean arrived to the apartment and entered the elevator, he suddenly realized he left his jacket with Gracie... who was stuck at the clinic. He groaned to himself. Great, now he would look like a clingy crazy dog guy or desperate to talk to Veterinarian Sexy. 

Once the elevator dinged and the doors slid opened, he pulled his keys out from his back pocket and walked three doors down to his and Sam's shared apartment. Unlocking the doors, he walked in and found Sam... on the couch... making out with some stranger under soft lamplight like two horny teenagers. 

Dean chuckled and turned the lights on "Alright, you two. Break it up. Sam, you have class in the morning." The two bodies quickly sat up from their positions on the couch,, lips swollen and hair mussed and that's when he realized it was a man Sam was with. Dean didn't think Sam was into men, but as a bisexual man himself... he didn't much care. "Uh... Sam? Who is this?" The last Dean knew, Sam was all about some chick named Jessica. 

The short blonde stood to his feet and reached out his hand for Dean to shake, which Dean did. Very, very tightly. Enough to crush a few bones. When the men parted, the stranger introduced himself, shaking his hand not so subtly, "The name's Gabriel Novak. I've heard so much about you, Dean-o." 

Novak... The same last name as the Veterinarian. Dean's jaw almost dropped to the ground. "Do you happen to have a brother?" Gabriel smirked and sat back down on the couch next to Sam, crossing his legs "I see you've met Castiel."


	3. Only Fools Rush In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, guys. First off: HOLY COW! I did not imagine for this to take off as quickly as it did! 
> 
> Secondly: I know this chapter is shorter but I can attest with the following.
> 
> SMUT IS INVOLVED. Now, since this is in fact my first fic it is also my first time writing a sex scene of any kind. So, if you have any suggestions, especially in regards to light BDSM, please don't hesitate to send them my way. Also, the next chapter will involve nothing but Dean and Castiel. 
> 
> That being said I will leave you to it. Enjoy.

Dean looked at the apparent brother of his dogs Veterinarian in disbelief “Okay, this is just way too trippy.” He muttered as he limped to the fridge, pulled out an ice cold beer, twisted the cap off and took a long swig all in one fluid motion. 

“Gabriel?” Sam diverted his attention to his newfound boyfriend “Uh, do you mind if I walked you out? I think I need to have a talk with my brother.” Gabriel raised his eyebrows and stood up from his comfortable position on the couch “Sure thing. I think I should probably head home, you know, so I can drill my brother in regards to your brother.” Gabriel blew a suggestive kiss towards Sam’s direction and showed himself out, peeping his head in a second later to say “Text me, Moose.” and left with a wink. 

Sam cleared his throat and cautiously walked into the kitchen. “I can explain-“ Dean put his hand up and shook his head “Don’t bother, Sam. Who am I to judge? Just as long as he makes you happy.” Dean took another long swig of his beer before belching “But, just as an aside… if he hurts you, I’m rippin' his face off.” 

Sam chuckled nervously and ran a hand through his hair before glancing around the floor “Dean?” Dean made an affirmative noise mid-sip “Uh.. Where’s Grace?” Sam asked, a baffled, confused look on his face. Dean drained the rest of his beer and grabbed another, tossing the empty bottle in the trash and popped the bottle cap, letting it drop on the counter with a tinkling sound. 

“We were at the park playing catch,” Dean began, taking another sip from his fresh beer. “She stepped on this massive shard of glass. I rushed her to the Vet. Apparently the vet was Gabriel’s brother. Anyway, he ended up keeping her since he was closing or whatever.” Dean sighed, shaking his head. Sam had a horrified look on his face. “Dean!” Sam, shouted, clearly taken aback by how nonchalant Dean seemed while telling the story. 

“Why didn’t you tell me!?” Sam demanded, “Why didn’t you call or- or text!?” Sam crossed his arms and gave his brother the look; the look that said Dean was in deep shit. Dean rolled his eyes, set his beer down and faced his brother. “Because it was hard on me, Sam! It still is!” Dean challenged back, his voice deeper and louder than his brothers. “You have no idea what that dog means to me!” Dean snatched his beer up, drained it of the rest of its contents, tossed the empty bottle into the trash and went to his bedroom just as his phone began to ring. 

Shutting his door, Dean checked the caller ID: it was an unknown New York number. It had to be the vet. Quickly, Dean tapped the little green phone icon and put the device to his ear “Hello?” Dean answered. There it was. That voice. From that mouth. Which belonged to that fine specimen of a man. “Hello, is this Dean Winchester?” Dean cleared his throat “This is he,” he confirmed, sitting on his bed, preparing for the news. 

“Hello, Mr. Winchester, This is Dr. Novak from Greenwich Animal Hospital. I’m calling in regards to Grace.” Dean’s heart began to race, his thoughts jumbling into a million different directions “Is everything okay?” Dean asked, a little too quickly. 

“Oh, everything is just fine. We were able to get the shard of glass out safely, her paw is in a soft cast as I mentioned. I do want Grace, here, to have very minimal activity. No running, playing, going up and down stairs, etc.” Dean could hear what sounded like a metal cage door closing on the other end of the receiver. “The way I had to suture her paw, it could easily cause them to rupture if she were to do any strenuous activity.” 

Tears filled Dean’s eyes as he realized just how badly Grace had been injured. “Look, Doc…” His voice broke as the words left his mouth “This dog isn’t just a dog. She’s my lifeline.” Dean sighed and ran his hand down his face, finally deciding to explain everything to this stranger. Why? He was unsure. He just felt like he could tell Castiel anything. “You got time?” Castiel hesitated, he was clearly busy. 

“Dean, I have a proposition. How about tomorrow, when you come pick Grace up, we go out for a cup of coffee and you can tell me anything you need to. I know you need a friend,” He sighed softly “I have another Veterinarian working at my clinic tomorrow after their week off. Tomorrow shouldn’t be too busy anyway.” Dean didn’t hesitate, quickly giving consent. The two exchanged a time Dean should arrive at Cas’s clinic and bid their goodbye’s. 

Forgetting all about the dinner he had told Sam to bring home, Dean quickly undressed down to his boxers. Once he brushed his teeth, splashed water on his face and prepared everything for his morning shower since Grace wouldn’t be around to help, he sat on the edge of his large bed and removed his heavy metal leg. Setting the artificial limb gently on the floor in front of his nightstand, Dean removed the rubber cover and sock band from his stump and placed the items back in his nightstand drawer, grabbing a bottle of lotion to put on what was left of his limb. 

When Dean tossed the small bottle of lotion in the drawer he caught a glimpse of an unopened bottle of whiskey laying on its side. Listening for any noise from Sam, Dean quietly reached for the bottle, broke the seal and took a long sip. The familiar burn in his throat and belly soothed his pain and stress. Images began filling his mind. Emily, Benny… wherever he was. The bastard broke his promise and never wrote or called. Dean took another swallow and leaned back against his headboard. Despite his thoughts, there was one thing he could not shake from his mind. 

Castiel Novak. 

The dark haired veterinarian with the bluest eyes Dean had ever seen and the most perfect mouth. Dean began to imagine that mouth wrapped around his dick, blue eyes looking up at him, burning into his soul, as he licked, and sucked, and kissed, and stroked. Dean set the bottle down on his bedside table and palmed his growing erection. He quickly laid flat on his back, pulled the comforter back from his body and yanked his boxer shorts down, allowing his cock to spring free. Dean reached down, closed his eyes and wrapped his hand around himself. 

Beads of pre-come having already formed, Dean used his thumb to spread it across the head of his cock; groaning softly he reached for his nightstand and pulled out a bottle of lube from his drawer. The lid opened with a sharp click and Dean poured a generous amount on his fingers. Boxers pushed off the rest of the way, he spread his leg and pushed his finger against his hole. He imagined Cas’s fingers being the one’s to push inside as he sucked and kissed him. Slowly, so slowly, Dean pushed the first digit inside and his breath hitched, faltered ever so slightly. How could a man he just met drive him this crazy? 

Dean bent his leg and lifted his hips as he pushed another finger inside. Finally, he found what he was searching for and ended up immediately engulfed in the most intense of pleasure. He began to stroke his dick faster, thrusting his fingers in harder. He wanted it to be the Veterinarian, he wanted it to be Castiel thrusting inside of him, he wanted Castiel to fuck him using both his face and his ass. He wanted to look up into lust blown blue eyes as he was pushed over the edge by, what he could only imagine, was the most perfect cock he ever laid eyes on as it slammed into his prostate over and over in quick, sharp successions. 

Yes, Dean wanted this man more than he wanted anyone, or anything, in his entire life. He could feel fire pooling in his belly, arching his back he thrust his hips up into his fist as his fingers slammed into his prostate. Suddenly, Dean’s vision went dark, consumed by stars as come painted his stomach and chest, his ass tightening around his fingers, his teeth biting on his lower lip in order to keep quiet as he fucked himself through his orgasm. 

After a few moments of panting, dick throbbing and ears ringing Dean reached back into the drawer to pull out a tissue. After he cleaned himself up he pulled his comforter back over his body. Dean reached for the bottle of whiskey and took a few more swigs before replacing the alcohol back inside the drawer. Yawning, Dean rolled to his side and quickly fell asleep. 

__

Dean walked through the sandy dunes of Afghanistan, Emily at the end of her lead sniffing through bags of sand lined up on the side of the main road to Base Barioli. This road was especially dangerous as it was frequented by Taliban members, suicide bombers and IED’s. 

He carefully walked amongst the black bags as Emily slowly sniffed each and every one. Suddenly, he was on the ground. Pain engulfing his entire body. Looking around he saw the dead bodies of his entire patrol team around him, Emily was nowhere to be found. It was as if she never existed. Next to him lied Benny.

In Dean’s hand was a detonator. 

Suddenly, he was awoken by Sam shaking him. “Dean!” Sam cried out firmly “Dean, stop! Stop! You’re safe. Stop.” Shaking, Dean clutched his brothers shirt and leaned into him slightly, eyes wide and body tense. 

Looking around, Dean firmly grasped Sam’s arm to ground himself. Sam noticed Dean’s panting and padded to the kitchen only to return seconds later with an ice cold bottle of water. “Another nightmare?” Dean could only nod as he opened the water bottle and nearly sucked down all of it’s contents. Gasping for air, he set the bottle down on his bedside table and leaned back against his headboard. 

“I killed them, Sammy.” Dean said emotionlessly. “I killed Ness, Inias… Benny.” Without realizing it, tears rolled down Dean’s cheeks. Sam sighed and pulled his older brother in for a hug, holding him tightly. “Dean. What happened wasn’t your fault. Things happen, accidents happen. No one was harmed when that IED went off.” When Sam pulled away he looked at Dean and firmly said “You’re a hero, man. Even if you don’t realize it.” 

Once Dean calmed down, both brothers returned to bed. Dean did not have another dream for the rest of the night. He did, however, think of Castiel. His heart giddy for their meeting, excited to bring his beloved Gracie home. He hung onto that like he hung onto breathing. 

They quickly became necessities.


	4. The Minor Fall, The Major Lift

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Can I just start with: 
> 
> HOLY CRAP Y'ALL!!! Nearly 700 hits and this is only the 4th chapter! Thank you all so, so, so much for your continued support. I had no idea this little idea would take off this quickly. My goal throughout my life was simple: write stories that touches people. 
> 
> Well, I'm not sure what's going on here but I do hope it's at least making a small impact on your daily lives when you read it. I hope you leave each chapter satisfied. If not, please let me know. 
> 
> Also, I need to apologize. I'm so sorry I went MIA these past few days. I have medical issues and needed time to recuperate. I can say I am back to hopefully finish this story, so I hope you guys haven't given up on me yet! 
> 
> There is no smut in this chapter, however Cas and Dean do go on a date.... of sorts.... and talk about things. We'll see where it goes from here. Once again, I am so eternally grateful for all of you who are reading this story and cannot wait to see what's in store! 
> 
> Oh, if any of you are on tumblr and want to follow me, my handle is @bythegraceofcass It's purely a Supernatural blog.

Dean awoke to the sound of Sam bustling throughout their apartment. Yawning, he sat up and rubbed his eyes. His entire body was in extreme pain. It was a profoundly intense, burning pain. It felt as if the devil himself was torturing him. Dean pulled back the comforter and looked at his stump: it was a deep, dark, mottled purply-red. “Great,” he muttered “Just perfect.” He was having an RSD flare. 

Slowly, Dean began his morning routine very painully. Once he had his prosthetic securely in place he limped out into their living room to see Sam running around erratically like a chicken with it’s head cut off. 

“Dude,” Dean muttered sharply as he sat on the couch to put his shoes and socks on. “What the hell has you freakin’ out?” He asked as he watched his brother run around hysterically, almost like Sam jumped out of a cartoon, and started laughing. “It’s not funny, Dean.” Sam said harshly “I can’t find my bag. I’m gonna be late!” he explained loudly as he dug through the coat closet next to the door. Dean stood up, walked to their table and gingerly picked up his brother’s leather shoulder bag. Sam glared at him and took his bag, sliding the strap over his shoulder. With a quick “Bye” he left, locking the door behind him. 

Once socks and shoes were put on, Dean went back to his bedroom to grab his phone, keys and wallet. Standing there, he looked down at the bedside table drawer. Very slowly, Dean pulled the drawer open and picked up the bottle of Knob Creek whiskey. Once he twisted the top off he put the bottle to his lips and chugged back large gulps. After he took his last swallow, he sat down and set the bottle on the table. 

Dean didn’t know if it was the physical pain, emotional pain, loneliness or his PTSD that drove him to drink but it seemed that, no matter how much he drank, nothing would drive the pain away. Dean thought back to that day. Remembering little details he should have picked up. Such as the way the ground looked at the threshold of the doorway of the room he and Emily stepped into. How the dirt seemed different than the rest of the ground. And, Benny… the asshole promised he would write him everyday; Dean certainly wrote him. But, no matter how much he wrote, Benny never responded. 

Dean wiped tears he hadn’t realized were falling away and picked up the bottle, taking one last long swig and replacing it back in the drawer and leaving his apartment. Once he stuck the key in the lock his phone started to ring. Dean pulled his phone out from his back pocket, “Dr. Novak” lighting up on the caller ID; Dean cleared his throat and answered on the second ring. “Doctor Novak. Is everything alright?” He stood in front of the door, ready to go back inside. Dean was prepared for the man to cancel their date, meeting, whatever it was. 

“Hello Dean,” Castiel began. Dean could hear dogs barking and cats meowing in the background “I was just confirming our time and place. Does eleven still work for you?” Dean sighed in relief and instantly relaxed. “Yes. It’s perfect. I’m actually heading there now. I can still pick Gracie up after, right?” Castiel assured him he could bring his dog home, so long as he came in a car this time. They hung up and Dean went down to the apartment garage. 

There she was, his Baby. All shiny black gloss and metallic gleam. Dean couldn’t help but smile with pride every time he laid eyes on the vehicle. Aside from Grace and Sam, that car was his everything. Dean had even told Sam he would kill him, his children and his children’s children when Sam threw out the prospect of selling Dean’s beloved Impala for rent money. That was when Dean made the hasty decision to go ahead and apply for disability. He received a hefty check each month along with checks from his Uncle Bobby for the odd mechanic jobs he does during the week, under the table of course so as not to get his disability checks revoked.

Dean knew it was wrong, but he needed to work. He needed to feel useful, at least a little. 

Dean opened the creaky door, slid into the leather seat and started her up, the engine purred like a content kitten after it’s had a warm bowl of milk. He revved the engine a few times then pulled out of his usual parking spot and headed for his first destination. 

__

Dean pulled into the diner’s parking lot and locked his car door. He swiftly smoothed his dark green button down, which he knew brought out his green eyes, tucked into the nicest pair of jeans he owned and slid his tan jacket on. ‘This isn’t a date, Winchester. Chill out.’ Dean thought as he yanked one of the doors open and quickly scanned for Castiel. He just couldn’t stop his need to impress the guy, and he didn’t understand why. Once spotted in a booth in the back corner of the establishment, Dean walked over and slid into the booth opposite from the other man. The smell of coffee, syrup, bacon and pancakes filled his nose and caused his stomach to rumble inharmoniously in response. 

Castiel was dressed in a dark navy button down shirt, black slacks and a silver tie. His hair was neatly styled as opposed to the sex hair look he had going when Dean brought Grace in for his help. 

Dean’s palms began to sweat.

“Dean. It’s so good to see you.” The Veterinarian offered the most beautiful smile Dean had ever seen. “I, uh, I came as fast as I could. I’m sorry I’m late.” He cleared his throat and picked up the cup of coffee Cas had already ordered them; it was still hot. Cas chuckled and shook his head “nonsense,” he muttered as he picked up his own cup and took a sip of the caramel colored beverage. Dean strangely took note Cas liked his coffee with cream and sugar. “You came right on time, actually. I was nearly late myself. New York traffic.” He sighed and shook his head. 

Dean picked up his menu, opened it and began his decision. “So, what did you want to get together for?” Dean inquired after he made his decision on the cheeseburger and fries. Castiel cocked his head to the side like a bird and looked at him with confusion in his eyes “I thought I told you last night?” Dean didn’t respond, he couldn't tell him how drunk he was from both alcohol and his orgasm. He licked his lips and suddenly became preoccupied with his coffee. 

“Well, yesterday I could tell you were lonely. I could see pain and desperation for friendship in your eyes.” Cas explained. He smiled and looked down, blushing. “My mother calls me an empath. She says I have a way of reading even the most complicated people.” He picked up his own coffee and took a sip. “So, I wanted to offer you something more. Yesterday, I couldn’t ignore you. You stopped my heart the moment I laid eyes on you as I walked through the exam room’s door. There’s something about you…” He looked away from Dean’s gaze, obviously embarrassed. “I should’ve taken into account you probably don’t lean in my direction. Correct?” Castiel’s utter look of defeat broke Dean’s heart. 

“Castiel,” Dean began. “Can I call you Cas?” Cas nodded his consent and Dean continued “I do lean your way.” He took a deep breath “For some reason, the moment I saw you, i had a hard time taking my eyes off you.” He laughed slightly, looked down and shook his head “It’s crazy, man. I mean, I’ve been with a few people and I’ve never felt like this about anyone before.” Cas slowly, hesitantly, reached over and placed his hand over Dean’s, drawing Dean’s eyes to his. “Tell me about yourself.” Just as Dean was about to speak, their waitress appeared to take their orders, Castiel quickly drew his hand away before she got to their table and opened his menu. 

The woman was young, no older than twenty seven, with long blonde hair, light blue eyes and a slim figure. She particularly gave her attention to Dean, standing straighter and pushing her chest out to accentuate her breasts. With slight bedroom eyes she asked for Dean’s order. He looked down at the menu he never closed “I’ll have…” he put his finger over the title of the meal “the Elvis Cheeseburger, extra onions.” He closed the menu and looked at Cas, once she wrote it down she looked at the other man, glancing at Dean often. “I’ll have the Zeppelin.” 

Dean and Cas handed the waitress their menus and put her leather server book in her apron pocket “Your meals will be out shortly.” She turned to leave and winked at Dean, patting his shoulder gently and headed for the kitchen. Dean rolled his eyes at her obvious desperation and looked at Cas. “Well… I was a marine. Honorably discharged after I took an IED. Lost my leg and earned RSD because of it.” Castiel interrupted with a question “What’s RSD?” Dean sighed and struggled to think of a good way to explain it “Basically, when you get an injury.. such as the time I was blown up, you need really heal. Your brain still thinks your injured and causes your nerve to fire off." He sighed and took a sip of his coffee “It’s extremely painful. Grace? She’s my service dog.” He explained “She helps with mobility, psychiatric and medical alert since I have pretty bad PTSD too.” 

Dean hadn’t realized his eyes were cast downward. He looked up at Castiel to see a look of pure sadness. “Oh, Dean….” Cas murmured gently “I’m so sorry.” Dean nodded once and continued “My dad… he was a shit father. Always screaming at me and Sam. Always… I would usually be the brunt of his anger when he came home drunk, because it was either me or mom and Sam. God forbid he lay a hand on mom.” Dean grit his teeth slightly at the thought of John Winchester. He cleared his throat and shook his head “Whatever. Anyway, what about you? What’s your story?” 

Castiel fiddled with his now empty coffee cup, he must have finished it when Dean was telling his story. “Well, I come from a very conservative family. When I came out as gay, they weren’t pleased at first but slowly began to accept who I was and my partners.” Just then the waitress came with their food, Dean asked for a soda, Cas a glass of orange juice, and dug into his burger. “My brother, Gabriel, took it the easiest. I guess you would know that.” Cas smirked as he cut into his eggs, over easy, “You met him last night.” He took a bite of his eggs followed by a bite of his bacon. “Anyway, I had a pretty privileged childhood, which I am eternally thankful for.” The waitress returned with their drinks and Dean thanked her quickly, his eyes never leaving Castiel. 

“What made you wanna become a vet?” Dean asked in-between bites of his burger. “I had a cat named Norman. He was my best friend since I really didn’t have any aside from my brothers and Anna. But, being the youngest, you’re more-so taken advantage of rather than treated as an equal.” Cas took another bite of his eggs and hash browns, sipped his orange juice and continued. “He was attacked by my neighbors dog. From that day forward I vowed two things. One: To become a vet and save lives, and, Two: To never allow any other cat outside again.” Dean took a swig of his Dr. Pepper and looked Cas in the eyes. “Well, you’re a damn good one, Cas. Don’t forget that.” 

Cas smiled slightly and continued eating around his words “Well, I’m not perfect. Putting them down is the hardest on me. I grieve for weeks since some of them I’ve treated since they were kittens and puppies. However, it’s gratifying to help them. To ease their pain and suffering.” Dean could see how passionate Cas was about his career and it truly made him happy. For the first time in six years, Dean genuinely felt happy. 

When the waitress brought their bill Dean reached for it Hastily. Castiel glared at him. “Dean, I was the one to bring you here. Please let me pay.” Dean slid cash into the servers book and put it at the side of the table. “You can get the bill next time.” Cas’s eyebrows raised “Next time?” Dean nodded. “Cas, this moment, right here… it’s the happiest I’ve been in a long time. For some reason, you make me happy. I know it’s silly, I mean I barely know you. But I have a good feeling about you. Usually my gut feeling is right.” Dean continued “So, if you’ll give me a chance. I would like for you to be with me.” 

Cas smiled warmly and nodded, laughing like a giddy teenager on his first date with his crush “Yes. I mean, please. I mean-“ Dean chuckled and shook his head “I know what you mean, Cas.” With that, both men stood up and stretched. As they headed to the door Dean struggled to conceal his limp and pain. Cas took notice anyway. “Dean, are you alright?” Cas put his hand on Dean’s back and Dean immediately felt a warm current go through him, “Yeah. Just having a difficult pain day. I’m good.” 

Once they made it out of the diner and to the parking lot, Dean stood at his car, fiddling with his keys. Biting his lip he turned and called out to Cas. Once he got to Castiel’s car he leaned in and pressed his lips to the other man’s. They were soft, warm. Castiel’s eyes widened but he quickly closed them and returned the favor. Dean put a hand on the back of Cas’s neck, parting his lips slightly before pulling away. Cas looked up at Dean, clearly flustered. 

Dean smirked “Meet you at the clinic.” With his famous Dean Winchester wink, he left Castiel’s side and went to his car, got in and pulled out. Castiel stood in the same spot for a fewer seconds before he smiled proudly and got in his own car too. 

__

Dean carried Grace inside and set her gently on his bed. “You stay, little girl. Doctors orders.” Dean went to the kitchen and gave her some of the wet food Cas had instructed he feed her. He crushed up a pain pill and sprinkled it into her food, mixed it in and returned to his bedroom. 

Sam returned home at around nine PM and walked into his brothers room, sitting on the bed to pet Grace, who’s tail wagged wildly as she received attention from her Uncle Sam. “So, how was you date with Castiel?” Sam smirked, looking up at Dean as he stroked Grace’s ear. “How the fuck did you know about that!?” Dean did not want Sam to know just yet. He wanted to see if it would work between he and Cas first. “Gabriel.” Sam laughed “Dude, they’re brothers. I’m sure, much like us, not much goes unsaid.” Dean rolled his eyes and went to grab a beer, Sam following. 

“So, how was it?” Dean twisted the cap off and tossed it in the trash can. After he took a drink he looked at his brother “I really like him Sammy. He makes me happy, he makes me feel things I haven’t felt before.” Sam smiled warmly at his brother. “I’m glad, man. You need someone who can do that for you, Dean. You deserve so much. It’s about time you get it.” Dean scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Well, before we both grow boobs and a uterus I’m going to bed.” Sam explained he needed to study anyway and, with that, they bid each other good night. 

Dean went to his room and closed the door behind him. He smiled like an idiot the entire time he got ready for bed. That night, instead of nightmares, he dreamed of Cas.


	5. You're So Very Special, But I'm A Creep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, the moment you've all been waiting for... Dean and Castiel's first time.

It's been two weeks since Dean and Cas’s first date and they had seen each other everyday since then. They remained celibate until Dean felt ready enough for them to make love for the first time. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, trust him… he did. He wanted to have Castiel fucking him blind two weeks ago. The problem wasn’t his nerves, it was his body. 

 

The bomb did more than steal his leg, it scarred his entire body with burns. He felt like a creation of Dr. Frankensteins; missing limb, patches of wrinkled, scarred and mangled skin. And forget too rough sex... With RSD being the biggest cockblock. Dean knew the moment Cas saw his body, and learned of his limitations, he would run for the hills. However, Castiel was so patient and gentle, they only stuck with making out and the occasional hand job from Dean despite Cas's urge to return the favor. 

 

Dean couldn’t wait it out forever. 

 

Castiel would begin to question him, which was the last thing Dean wanted. So… Dean scheduled a date at a bar. If he was really going to do this for the first time in a little under a decade, he wanted to get good and drunk just in case Cas decided he would be better off without the likes of Dean in his life. 

 

Dean sat on the couch with Grace drinking a glass of whiskey and watching Dr. Sexy when Sam walked through the door. Dean checked his watch: 4:30 PM. “You’re home early.” Dean mumbled, taking a sip of amber liquid from the glass in his hand, petting Grace’s back gently with his other hand. Sam set his bag down on the dining table’s chair and kicked his shoes off. “Yeah, Professor Roman gave us all the day off since everyone aced their exam.” Sam explained as he pulled a beer out of the fridge and twisted the cap off. 

 

After taking a few swigs of his beer, Sam walked over to the couch and sat next to Grace, who was knocked out from her pain medicine. Sam gently stroked her ear as he always did. Dean liked to think it was a way to relax him. "Have you seen Castiel today? How is he?" Sam inquired as he struggled to watch his brothers favorite show. Dean took a sip of his whiskey before responding "I'm actually going out with him in a couple hours. We're going over to Charlie's bar then.... then I'm going back to his place for the night." Dean took another sip of his whiskey while Sam choked on his beer. 

"I'm.... sorry..." Sam said between coughs "but... did you... say... spend... the... night?" Dean rolled his eyes "Believe it or not, Sam, I'm allowed to have a sex life too." Dean drained his glass and winced as he got up for a refill. Might as well start early. "What about Gabriel? How are you guys doing?" The past few weeks Sam had been spending more and more time away from their apartment. He'd been telling Dean he was studying late but Dean knew what Sam was really up to. "We're good. We plan on going on a date after midterms next week." Sam took another swig of his beer as Dean poured himself a rather hefty helping of his favorite whiskey and limped back to the couch. 

The brothers watched television in silence for the remainder of Dean's time home until he had to leave. 

__

8:30 PM rolled around and Dean was now leaving. Instructing Sam of Grace's needs as he made his way to the door. "Dean. I'm your brother, you can trust me. I won't do anything to hurt her or her leg. Just... Go out already, dude. Relax. Let loose. Get laid. Cas is probably waiting for you out front." Sam was now watching a late episode of "The X-Files", Grace eating her supper laced with pain medication on the couch next to him. 

Dean left them with a quick "Bye Bitch, Bye Jerk" between each other and a kiss on Grace's head. Once the door was locked behind him he made his way down to the lobby via escalator and, sure enough, Cas stood at the passenger side of his car, a cherry red mustang, waiting for Dean and looking practically lickable. He wore dark jeans, a black t-shirt and a burgundy leather jacket. Dean practically drooled as he hobbled to his boyfriend. They kissed each other quickly before Cas opened the door for Dean, who slid into the passenger seat. 

Cas put his car in drive and revved his engine as he sped off. Dean rolled his eyes and smirked, "You know... I'm already your boyfriend. You don't have to try to impress me." Cas chuckled, putting a hand on Dean's thigh, "On the contrary... I always have to impress you. I want to impress you." He made quick eye contact with Dean before looking back at the road. 

About five minutes into their drive to the bar, Dean reached over and undid Cas's fly. "Dean, what are you-" Dean quickly pulled out Cas's growing erection and gently drug his tongue from the base to the head before parting his lips and putting the half soft cock in his mouth and giving it a hard suck. Cas accidentally pushed his foot down on the gas pedal, jolting the car forward as Dean began sucking him. "Fuck, Dean." He groaned, putting a hand on the back of his head and tangling his fingers in his hair. 

Dean hummed at the touch. As he sucked, he rubbed his tongue along the side of Cas's cock. When he pulled up for air, a strong of pre-come mixed with saliva followed his mouth, attached to his swollen lips. He took a breath, opened his mouth wider and relaxed his esophagus as he pushed Cas's dick down the length of his throat. Cas let out a string of obscenities intermingled with Dean's name as his hips thrusted up into his mouth. The head prodded Dean in the back of the throat but, thankfully, he didn't have much of a gag reflex. 

Dean hadn't realized they arrived at their destination, nor had he realized Cas parked and took his seatbelt off to better position himself. He was focused on Cas, the way he tasted, his perfect, huge cock in his mouth and the beautiful sounds he made... sounds that caused his own dick to twitch in response. He had Cas all the way down to the hilt nowpp and Cas began to make fast, little thrusts into his mouth. His breathing began to become erratic, his hand pulling on Dean's hair. "Dean... I'm close." Cas's body began to tense and Dean could feel his balls draw up against his chin. "Dean, baby. I'm gonna come." Dean didn't move, he just sucked harder and breathed through his nose. 

Suddenly, Cas came with a shout. His cock pulsed in Dean's mouth as his come slid down his throat; Dean moaned in succession, which only caused Cas to release every last drop into his lovers mouth. Once his dick softened, Dean sat up, his lips swollen and glistening with spit and come, his cheeks flushed. Cas looked at him utterly spent and satisfied. "Dean..." His voice was the lowest Dean had ever heard, his eyes lust blown. Dean nearly came at the sight of him. "Dean, that was quite honestly the best blowjob I've ever had." Cas leaned in and kissed him, moaning softly as his taste intermingled with Dean's taste hit his taste buds. 

Once Cas pulled away he smiled softly at Dean, kissing his forehead before opening his car door "Ready?" Dean shook his head, staying put. "Take me home, Cas." Castiel closed his door and looked at him, confused "But I thought..." Dean licked his lips and looked Cas in the eyes "Take me home. To your place." It only took Cas a few seconds to realize what Dean meant. He quickly pulled his car out of the parking lot and sped to his apartment. 

__

Dean and Cas walked through Cas's threshold, both toeing off their shoes. Dean swore he had never seen a more cozy apartment. The walls were painted a soft green, the floors a gorgeous wood. Wall to ceiling bookcases surrounded a fireplace, which Cas began to light, and a nice Persian rug laid in front of it. A reading chair sat in one corner in front of a bookcase, couches in front of the fire place. Cas's kitchen equipped with black marble countertops, beautiful appliances and adjustable dim lights complimented the area. 

Cas made his way back to Dean's side when the fire was tended to and ran a hand through his mussed up hair. "Is there anything I can get you? I have water, soda, juice, scotch, wi-" Dean kissed him ever so gently, kissing his jawline. When Dean moved to and nipped his ear he simply said "Bedroom. Please." Cas nearly growled in response. Taking Dean's hand, he led him to two French doors which he pushed open quickly, revealing a beautiful room lit up by two lamps on a set of bedside tables on each side of a king sized bed in the middle of one wall, a cherry wood dresser on the other with a large flat screen TV adorning it and a built in window seat with fluffy, comfortable cushions and a beautiful window overlooking the city; books lined up on the little nook beneath it. Cas hurried to one of two nightstands on each side of his bed. Pulling out a lighter, Cas lit up candles on both bedside tables and his dresser. Once the task was completed he switched the lamps off, the room then enveloped in a soft glow.

Dean could tell Cas had put a lot of planning into this moment.

Cas kissed Dean gently, his lips barely brushing again Dean's, who returned the favor just as kindly. The kiss soon began to build, lips parted and tongues began fighting for dominance as their owners stumbled over to the bed. Once they both sat down Dean pulled away, looking down at his lap. "Cas..." he said sadly, anxiously. "You do remember I told you I lost my leg right?" When Cas nodded, listening intently, Dean continued. "That wasn't the only thing I ended up losing. I lost my skin, too." He sighed, slowly, shaking, removing his shirt. Burn scars almost covered his torso completely, his back home to the biggest and deepest scars. Dean didn't look at Cas, he didn't want to. He sighed and shook his head. "Just forget it." He said, his voice shaking as he began to put his shirt back on. "I should've known you wouldn't want a broken, hideous creep like me." 

Cas put a hand around his arm, giving him the most intense stare Dean has ever felt. "Don't you dare... don't you dare say that to me again, Dean Winchester. You are the most beautiful man I have ever seen. Your scars... they're as if I'm looking at a perfect piece of artwork." Dean looked back at Cas and could swear he saw tears glisten in his eyes. Cas reached out and very gently traced his fingertips along the burns, causing Dean to shudder as his fingers made they're way down his spine. "Why would you ask a wolf to hide in sheep's clothing? Or a tiger to rid of his stripes?" Cas murmured. "You wouldn't..." Dean responded as Cas kissed his shoulder blade. "Precisely." He murmured, his breath raising goosebumps against Dean's skin. 

Cas tossed Dean's shirt to the ground and gently laid him back. Hovering above Dean, Cas slowly leaned down and kissed his lips carefully. Peppering kisses on his jawline, down his neck where he took a moment to stop and suck on his soft spot. Dean gasped, arching into Cas's mouth slightly. Once he was certain he left his mark, Cas moved to Dean's chest, kissing and licking at his scars, running his hands down his side's softly. Once he found a nipple, Cas flicked at it with his tongue and sucked the hardening nub into his mouth. Dean started to become a writhing mess beneath him, his cock causing his jeans to tighten uncomfortably. Once Cas was satisfied with his nipple, he moved to the other, giving it the same attention. 

What felt like an eternity later, Cas removed his mouth from Dean's sensitive buds, kissing and licking down to his navel he sat up and quickly unbuttoned Dean's jeans, unzipped his fly and hooked his fingers beneath the waistband of Dean's pants. Dean lifted his hips in order to give Cas room to pull his pants off, boxers coming off along with them followed by his socks. Dean's cock twitched against his belly as Cas tossed his clothing to the floor. 

Castiel sat back on his knees, his jaw practically on the floor. "Dean..." the only thing still left on Dean's body was his prosthetic... which he quickly remembered he had forgotten to remove before Cas started his worshipping. "Shit , my leg!" Dean sat up swiftly and Cas placed his hand over his lightly. "Show me?" Dean looked up at Cas, shocked he was so willing to learn how to take care of him. With a nod he showed Cas the steps he took in taking off his artificial limb. 

In that moment, watching Cas- watching his boyfriend- remove his limb and place it on the floor beside the bed, rub his stump and kiss his sore thigh... Dean felt loved. Tears filled Dean's eyes and rolled down his cheeks. "Cas...?" His voice cracked, giving away his tears. Castiel's blue eyes shot up to Dean's face, sitting up quickly with a look of concern on his own features. "Dean! What's wrong? What's happened? Are you hurt?" Dean choked out a laugh, shaking his head. "No, you idiot. I'm happy." He wiped his tears away only for more to follow. "I've never... I love you, Cas." He pulled the man against his broken body and buried his nose into his shirt. "I love you like I've never loved anyone." Cas wrapped his arms around Dean warmly, tightly; as if Dean would be ripped away from him at any moment. "Oh, Dean..." Cas murmured, kissing his neck. "I love you more." 

Dean smiled and bit Cas's clothed shoulder gently. Kissing his way up Castiel's neck, Dean whispered "Make love to me, Cas. Please." And that was all it took. Castiel swiftly pulled his t-shirt off, followed by his pants, boxers and socks. His clothes fell to a pile on the floor as he reached into his nightstand drawer and pulled out a bottle of astroglide. 

Cad pushed the drawer closed with one hand, thr other containing the bottle of lube, and hovered back over Dean. Dean quickly parted his leg and stump, allowing Cas to kneel between them, kissing, sucking and biting his thigh on his good leg. Dean reached his hand down and tangled his fingers into thick, dark brown hair. Cas traced his tounge where Dean's thigh met his crotch and, finally, wrapped his warm, soft lips around his cock's leaking head. Cas swirled his tongue against the blushed skin, sucking down Dean's length. Dean gripped the comforter in his fists, his mouth opened in the shape of an O. 

Suddenly, he felt Cas push a lubed finger against the tight ring of muscle. Dean wondered how he missed the snap of the lube bottle's lid, or the slicking noise of lube running against skin. Within seconds he didn't care as Cas slowly pushed his finger inside. Dean moaned as Castiel pushed his first digit in, Cas let out a groan of his own as he pushed a second finger in and curled them upward, searching for Dean's prostate. 

Dean let out a pattern of gasps and moans, his back arching and hips thrusting into Castiel's mouth until, finally, Cas found what he was looking for, which caused Dean to shout in complete and utter pleasure. "That feel good baby?" Cas muttered against his cock, "Good. That sweet spot will just have to wait until I'm inside you." Cas moved his fingers away and Dean whimpered at the loss of stimulation. "Cas, please... need you." Cas pulled his mouth away from Dean's dick once again and looked up at him "What do you need, Dean?" His voice was deeper, gruffer. It only caused Dean to shudder in pleasure. "I need you inside me... Please." 

Cas leaned forward and opened his drawer again. Dean could hear the sound of a little foil packet and the drawer closing as Cas leaned back on his knees, ripped open the foil and rolled the condom on his length. Dean reached down stroked his wet cock, rolling his hips up into his hand. Cas yanked his wrist away and pinned both hands above his head. "Don't you dare touch yourself." He murmured, holding Dean's arms securely above his head. "I want you to come only on my dick. Can you do that?" Dean nodded, his cock twitching at Cas's sudden domination. 

Cas then released Dean's hands and kisses him softly. "That's my good boy..." He murmured gently. Dean keened at his praise, quickly becoming drunk off of it. He wanted more and knew he would do anything to get it. Castiel flicked open the top on the bottle of lube, squeezed a generous helping on his cock and spread it around his length. He reached over, grabbed a pillow and lifted Dean's hips with one hand effortlessly. Once the pillow was shoved beneath Dean's rear Cas lined his head up to Dean's hole. "Are you ready, baby?" He murmured, blue eyes met green eyes, the ocean meeting the earth, and Dean nodded reluctantly in response. "Dean..." Cas rubbed his stump gently "Sweetheart, you have to communicate with me." Dean cleared his throat and nodded. "Yes, I'm ready. Please... just do it." 

Cas smirked and pushed his cock inside. Halfway in, he stopped and Dean whined. "Fuck... you're so tight, Dean." And he was. The tight warmth nearly caused Cas to topple over the edge right then and there. Cas took a few deep breaths and slid in the rest of the way. Once he bottomed out Dean moaned loudly. Leg propped up, Dean attempted to angle Cas towards his prostate but Cas quickly caught on. He gripped Dean's hips firmly and pulled back, only to thrust in sharply. 

Dean's body jolted with Cas's feirce thrusts. He could tell Cas purposely avoided that spot with each thrust. "Cas, please..." Dean moaned, wiggling beneath Castiel's hold. Cas could feel his climax approaching, he quickly changed direction and stopped after he thrust into Dean's prostate one time. "Beg." Cas ordered, his blue eyes so lust blown they were nearly black in the candle light. Dean looked at him questionably. "W-what?" He muttered, taken aback by Cas's request. "Beg. Or I won't move." He stated again. His eyes smothering Dean with lust. 

Dean licked his lips, "please Cas..." he moaned, struggling to move against Cas with his good leg "Please. I need you to move.... Feels so good..." Cas eyed Dean's look of desperation, gripped his hips tigher and pulled out slowly, only to pound into Dean's prostate hard, deep and fast. Dean moaned and swore obscenities with each fresh assault on the sensitive bundle of nerves deep inside him, his leg wrapped around Cas's waist. "Cas... I'm gonna..." Cas pushed deeper, thrusted harder "Come for me, Dean." 

Dean's body tensed and his hole tightened even more around Castiel's cock. "Come for me, baby..." Cas cooed, his own orgasm building in his belly. Dean's vision suddenly went white, his ears began ringing. Cas continued to pound into him as he came, white streaks painting his belly and chest. Dean arched his back and Cas lifted him up against him, thrusting into him fast and hard until he, too, fell over the edge, his cock throbbing inside Dean's quivering hole, come coating both of their stomachs and chests. 

Once they both came down from their highs, Cas pulled out, rolled the condom off carefully and got out of bed. Dean could hear water at the sink and Castiel returned with a warm rag. Once he and Dean were both cleaned up, Cas hurries to the kitchen and came back with two glasses of orange juice. "What's this for?" Dean asked, clearly confused. Cas sat next to him, pulling the blankets back. "You didn't realize it but you entered a subspace. When you submitted to my demands, and when you came, your endorphins released at a remarkably fast rate. You'll soon hit a low in blood sugar and endorphins. The juice will help prevent that from happening and keep you in a high until you unwind naturally." Dean nodded in understanding to Castiel's explanation and drank down the juice. 

He was thirstier than he realized. 

Once both glasses were drained, Cas put them on his bedside table, pulled Dean against him and pulled the blankets over them. Gently, Castiel rubbed Dean's back, ran his fingers through his air and massaged his sore stump. Dean quickly fell asleep, once again.. His dreams nightmare free.


	6. A Dangerous Ledge and A Parachute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys, I am so very sorry but life had me by the short and curlies for a bit there. I apologize for taking for what seems like eternity to upload this chapter. I do hope you enjoy it and know there is in fact more coming after this, I will try not to take forever to upload the next one. 
> 
> This chapter was rather difficult for me to write as it hit close to home many times. I felt it had to happen and was integral to the story. I do hope to have more happy moments but, in all reality, this story isn't going to be fluffy. I'm still so shocked it's being enjoyed by you guys and hope to keep it going in the direction you all love. Thank you so very much for the support and kind comments. Even if I'm not responding, just know I'm reading every single one and they all mean so much to me.

Dean awoke abruptly to a stab of pain in his thigh. He cried out in both surprise and agony, pushing the blankets and sleeping body away as he curled into himself. The room was pitch black save for the city lights outside Cas’s window. Castiel woke up as Dean cried out from a second muscle spasm, his thigh twitching and his body tensing. 

Castiel sat up and turned on his bedside lamp, “Dean, what’s happening? What’s the matter?” He turned sleepy blue eyes filled with intense worry to Dean and his heart immediately dropped at the sight. Without another word he got up swiftly and began to dress. “Cas.. No.” He took in a sharp hiss of breath as another spasm shot through what was left of his leg. He knew Castiel was preparing to take him to the hospital. Cas ignored him and quickly brushed his teeth as he collected a pair of his sweats and soft t-shirt for Dean. 

When Castiel returned to Dean’s side it took all he had not to break down. Dean was panting heavily on his left side, his hands balled into white knuckled fists and his brow covered in sweat. He yelled out, the spasms becoming constant. Cas swiped up his underwear and gently rolled Dean to his back. Tears… tears began to roll down Dean’s cheek and he choked out a sob, his back arched and fire engulfed his limb. 

Cas swallowed hard and spoke gently “Dean, baby, I’m going to dress you then we’ll go to the hospital. I can’t let you writhe in pain like this.” Cas then adventured into territory he knew would break his heart. As gently as he could, he slipped on Dean’s underwear and sweat pants, followed by the t-shirt. He slipped on a sock on his left foot and sighed when he realized Dean couldn’t get into his prosthetic. 

Castiel retrieved the landline phone and dialed three numbers. Dean could hear him conversing with someone about an ambulance, the pain making him dizzy and disoriented. Cas set the phone back on the receiver, kneeled down to Dean’s eye level and grabbed his hand, rubbing his thumb in gentle circles on the top of Dean’s hand as he ran fingers through his hair soothingly. “I called an ambulance, they will be here soon. Is there anything I can get you?” Cas felt tears prick his eyes as Dean rolled his face into the pillow and screamed. “Dean, sweetheart, please tell me what I can do?” He struggled to keep the tears at bay. He had never felt so helpless in his life. 

After what felt like eternity he heard three knocks at the door followed by “Paramedics.” Castiel got up hastily and led them to Dean, he didn’t care about the evidence of their night together strewn around the room, he just needed to get Dean relief. One man set a stretcher on the bed next to Dean and held it ready as the other two men took vitals and listened to Castiel explain the problem at hand. They pulled up Dean’s hanging pant leg and assessed the damaged limb.

“Mr. Winchester? We are going to have to put you on this stretcher. Are you able to help us?” When he heard the words echo throughout the bedroom Castiel, with no real reason, felt anger bubble inside his chest. “He’s in pain and you’re asking him to help you? The entire reason I called you was so you can help him!” The paramedic looked back at Cas and straightened up “We just wanted to make this as painless as-“ Castiel walked closer, his eyes burning as tears rolled down his face “So help him!”. 

Cas was never one to shout, but he couldn’t help it. He just couldn’t handle the scene enfolding in front of him. He didn’t understand why they would require the help of the very person they were called in to aide and assist. The paramedic nodded once and on the count of three each paramedic raised Dean onto the stretcher. Castiel quickly grabbed Dean’s wallet, his wallet and his cell phone from the nightstand and followed them out of his apartment, not even bothering to lock his door behind him. 

__

Castiel watched Dean lay in the hospital bed with a steady saline drip going through his IV. The doctor explained the issue at hand was a severe RSD flare, “It’s just apart of the disease,” she then ordered the nurse to give him two milligrams IV push Dilaudid along with one milligram Vicodin IV push and left the room with promises to return within the hour. 

“Okay, Dean. Are you ready to start feeling better?” The nurse, Tessa, returned with a tray of syringes, needles, vials, non-latex gloves and alcohol pads. Dean rolled his head to face the nurse, his hand on his limb. He had been changed out of the sweats and t-shirt and put into a hospital gown. He couldn’t find it within himself to speak, the pain constantly winding him. 

Tessa slipped on the gloves with a snap and tore open one of the packets of alcohol pads, picked up a vial and rubbed the alcohol wipe on the top of the vial. She set the vial down carefully, tossed the used alcohol in the trash and put together the syringe and needle. After filling the syringe with medication she cleaned off the IV line port taped to Dean's hand with a new alcohol wipe and removed the needle from the syringe; “Alright Dean, this is Dilaudid…” She attached the syringe to the IV port, Dean hissed as she pushed the medication into his IV and Cas straightened, his eyes filling with worry again. “S’okay, Cas..” He muttered softly “It just… Holy crap.” Castiel looked at the nurse, a worried questioning look on his face as Dean closed his eyes and his body lost it’s tense, rigid nature and relaxed. She smiled warmly as she repeated the process with the Vicodin. “It burned a bit but now he’s very relaxed. Dean, This is the Vicodin.” She announced a tad bit louder as she pushed the muscle relaxer into his IV. Tessa then taped an oxometer to Dean’s finger, a little red light flaring from the tape as she attached the thick wire to the machine and a steading beeping filled the room. 

As Tessa cleaned up and tossed the vials of medicine in the sharps bin with the needles and syringes Castiel cleared his throat, Dean clearly in some form of sleep. “Tessa,” Cas started, struggling to keep his composure as the night replayed through his head. Dean was so sensitive with every little touch, the needle going into his hand for the IV put him in tears. “Does this disease spread? Does it worsen?” Tessa turned and sighed, pushing the wheeled tray to the side. “Every disease worsens, unfortunately, when we don’t have proper forms of treatment or cures. With RSD it’s especially difficult since it starts from injury. The needle in his hand could cause it to spread. Seeing as he was a victim of a tragic accident… The doctor wanted to keep him overnight to manage his pain continually.” Castiel nodded once and offered the hint of a smile, his eyes diverting back to Dean as she left the room. 

The thought of Dean suffering for years to come, the thought of it worsening and the idea a cure will not be in sight for at least the next twenty years, broke Castiel’s heart. He hated looking at Dean in this situation and would sell his soul if it meant Dean could live pain free and happy. 

The doctor came in shortly after the medicine was given to Dean. “Hello, Castiel. How is our patient doing?” She stood in front of a computer and typed something in hastily before noting Dean’s vitals. “He’s fine, the medicine seems to be working.” Cas yawned sleepily, watching the doctor move around Dean. “Good.” She smiled as Tessa returned with a wheelchair. “I want to admit Dean in for evaluation. He came in with severe spasms and by the looks of his amputation it was not done well at all.” Cas nodded once, looking down at the man he couldn’t help but wish to trade places with. 

Tessa gently unhooked Dean from the wires and machines. “Is there anyone you should call? Parents? Siblings? You can also feel free to bring more comfortable clothing for him. Visiting hours are from eight AM to 7 PM Monday through Thursday, 10 AM through 6 PM Friday through Sunday. Depending on how Dean progresses we will release him. He seems to have a severe case and I want to have a pain specialist and surgeon come in to discuss the different options of treatment.” 

Castiel struggled to retain the information but listened anyway, his eyes glued to Dean as he nodded in response as the Doctor continued to throw treatment plan options his way. Once she finished her explanations, the doctor left the room. Tessa woke a very drugged Dean and Cas helped her move him to the wheelchair. “Castiel, you can go ahead and stay with him tonight. He will have his own suite and we have a couch up in his room. It’s not the most comfortable but we can make do with a pillow and warm blanket.” She took down Dean’s IV bag and hung it on the attached IV pole on the wheelchair. 

Cas smiled warmly for the first time all night, “I would like that very much, Tessa, thank you.” He decided he would have Dean’s brother bring him a bag of comfortable clothing and would call his doorman to have his door locked in a few hours. For now, he followed Tessa up to the admitting floor and helped her put Dean in the fresh hospital bed in the rather large and accommodating suite. Tessa gave Cas a set of warm blankets and a pillow and bid them goodnight. Castiel pulled up a chair to Dean’s bedside, wrapped a warm blanket around his slightly cold body and finally allowed tears to flow. “Dean…” He whispered gently, tears blinding his vision. “I promise you I will take care of you. Always.” He murmured softly, kissing Dean’s forehead gently and laying his head on the mattress. Without realization, Castiel soon fell asleep, Dean’s hand in his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter was extra short and felt a little rushed but, trust me when I say, chapter seven will be full of information and strengthen Castiel and Dean's relationship. We may or may not see some Bobby/Ellen and Sabriel as well. Stay tuned!


	7. Falling Around You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here is the next chapter. I have surgery next week but I will try my best to update. I'm so sorry I've let you all down, I've been battling against this disease. I promise you I will finish this story, guys. 
> 
> I wish you all happiness, love, health and laughter. You deserve it more than you know.

Dean awoke early the next morning to four loud knocks on his door. Castiel shot up from his chair beside Dean's bed and opened the door. A nurse came in pushing a small cart with a tray on top of it. The tray contained needles, test tubes, vials of pain medicine and a funny looking syringe filled with a clear drug. "Goodmorning Dean. My name is Hannah. I'll be your nurse for the day." Dean opened his mouth to speak and felt a strange tickling in his nose along with a sickly sweet plastic smell; he was being fed oxygen. "Why am I getting oxygen?" Dean questioned apprehensively, his fingertips touching the cannula. Castiel spoke this time, moving his way back to his chair beside Dean, "Last night, you were in a deep sleep. Your oxygen levels dropped exponentially due to the medication they've been giving you every few hours." The nurse put some latex gloves on with a snap and began to check his vitals and IV, "Narcotics, especially narcotics as strong as Dilaudid, can easily cause respiratory symptoms," she explained, "Your levels were below the 80's, Dean. That's extremely low for a man your age, size and weight. Your doctor will be in shortly to go over the game plan for your disease. In the meantime, we will keep managing your pain and help make sure you're comfortable, okay?" As she explained this, she got her supplies ready to draw blood. Dean watched and immediately began to panic; he always hated needles. "I had my blood drawn yesterday. Why are you doing it again?" Hannah smiled warmly and grabbed a packet of alcohol from the tray, "We're just making sure you dont have any infection or other abnormalities going on. The doctor wanted to check your white blood count due to your symptoms last night. I'll try to go quick but gently." She explained, seeming to hear the shakiness of panic in Dean's voice. 

Dean rolled his eyes in aggravation and fear as Castiel moved his way over to Dean's other side so he could hold his hand and comfort him. Hannah moved to Dean's arm free of IV's and tied a tourniquet around his bicep. The bite of the elastic caused Dean to suck in a breath through his teeth harshly, he was sure he would bruise with how tight she tied it. She began to palpate for a vein, when she found the one she wanted, she opened the alcohol, cleaned the area, and began the procedure. Dean squeezed Cas's hand when he felt the bite of the needle through his skin. When she put the last of the 6 tubes into the hub, she pulled off the tourniquet, allowed the blood to flow into the tube before grabbing a cotton ball, put it over the needle as she pulled it out and applied pressure to prevent a hematoma. She left the cotton there and added a bandaid. "All done. Now for the good stuff." She smiled with a wink. Dean's arm began to ache and burn from the draw. 

Cas and Hannah switched sides once again, the tray coming with her. She grabbed another alcohol packet from the tray and tore it open. As she cleaned Dean's medication port on his IV line she looked at Castiel and Dean "It's so good seeing friends support each other. It's not everyday you see someone with a friend as loyal as yours, Dean." Castiel and Dean looked at each other before smirking at the nurse. "Actually," Cas began, running his fingers through Dean's hair and leaning over, kissing him gently, lovingly. When he pulled away, he looked at the nurse with a goofy smile on his face "We are in a relationship. Dean is my boyfriend." Hannah looked down at the vial of medicine she had just picked up, a warm smile on her face "I apologize. I had a feeling but I didn't want to offend if you two weren't together. You are truly perfect for each other." She attached a needle to a syringe and set it back down before picking up the syringe that already had a drug in it. "Dean, I almost forgot. I have to administer an anti-clotting drug. It has to go in your underarm. So, I'll have to give it in your left arm again." Dean sighed and nodded "Fine. Just get it over with." Castiel ran his fingers through Dean's blonde hair and kissed his forehead "It's okay, baby. It'll go by quickly." Hannah smiled as Cas whispered to Dean reassuringly. She had him lift his arm and quickly injected the drug. Dean cried out slightly, wincing at the horrible burn of the drug. "You know.." she looked at Castiel this time as she went back to preparing his pain medicine. "You guys seem to have the kind of love that's rare. The kind of love that seems like your souls were meant for each other." Dean looked at Castiel and took his hand, bringing it to his lips and gently kissing each knuckle. Hannah drew out the Dilaudid, removed the needle, attached the syringe to the IV port on Dean's hand and pushed the medication into his vein. Dean bit his cheek slightly as the drug burned it's way into his body. "Okay, you two. I'm finished. Press the call button if you need anything, okay Dean? Your breakfast should be here shortly. Along with your doctor." With that, Hannah left the room. 

Castiel sighed and sat down in his chair next to Dean's bed. His back, neck and shoulders ached from the way he slept last night but he ignored the uncomfortable feeling and focused his energy on Dean, who was beginning to feel the warmth of the drug flow through his body from his scalp to his toes. His green eyes grew glassy and his pupils dilated. Cas sighed and looked at Dean, his hand rubbing his forearm gently "Dean?" Dean rolled his head around groggily to look at Castiel "I have to step out for a few minutes. I need to make a quick phone call to the clinic, let them know I won't be in for a few days. You go ahead and rest okay?" Dean nodded sleepily. The drug he is given is very potent and very easy to be knocked out from. By the time Castiel stood up and kissed Dean's forehead, his eyes were closed. 

\--

Dean awoke sometime later to something warm, wet and smelling like kibble licking his face. When he opened his eyes and focused them on what it was, he reached up and felt soft, silky fur under his fingers. "Gracie," Dean murmured, wrapping his arms around his dogs body and hugging her close. He could hear familiar voices too. Bobby, Sam, Gabriel and Ellen. He looked around the room, still very much out of it, and smiled. "Hey guys," he croaked out, his throat dry and sore from the medicine. Everyone turned around to face him, warm smiles on the faces "Look who's up." Ellen announced, walking to Dean's bedside and reaching down to hug him. Dean leaned into her hug, his nose filling with the smell of home. "It's so good to see you, Honey." Ellen murmured. "It's about time!" Sam said, a huge smile on his face. Dean smirked and murmured "bitch" under his breath. Sam chuckled and hugged his brother, "I missed you, jerk. The apartment's been so weird without you." Before Dean could say anything Bobby hugged him next. Bobby was the closes thing Dean had to a father, especially when he came back broken from Afghanistan. "Its good to see you're okay, son." Bobby said as he pulled away. Grace lay across Dean's lap, her service dog vest on her body. Castiel stood on the left of Dean, giving him space to spend with his family. Gabriel stood next to him, both brothers having their own quiet conversation with each other. 

Dean was just about to question Cas about getting them to the hospital when he heard knocks at his door. A woman with dark red hair stepped in, a white doctors coat falling down her torso. "Hello Mr. Winchester. My name is Dr. Josie Sands. Do you mind if I ask a few questions to further assess where you're at with RSD?" Dean look at Bobby, Ellen, Gabriel and Sam "Guys, could you give me and Cas time with the doc, here? Please?" Everyone quickly made their way out of the room, announcing they would be down in the cafeteria. When the door closed behind Sam, Cas took his place beside Dean and sat in the chair by his bed. The doctor stood in front of them and picked up his chart "So, I've been told you were in the service and acquired an amputation after an accident, correct?" Dean only nods, he hates doctors, especially after his time in Afghanistan. "And after that you got diagnosed with RSD due to your injuries... Dean, it seems like you are at the worst point of this disease. But that doesn't mean there's nothing we can do for you." Castiel looked at Dean, a lump forming in his throat. "What are you saying, Doc?" Dean inquired, looking her dead in the eye. "I'm saying..." Dr. Sands took a step forward and pulled a chair out to sit down. "Dean. The pain you're feeling now? It won't stop. If you dont manage it, it will continue to get worse. But, that doesn't mean nothing can be done. There's a therapy I wanted to run by you, it would be perfect to try the trial since you're here. If it works, then we can move on with surgery." She explained, leaning forward slightly, "Have you ever heard of an Intrathecal Pain Pump?" Dean looked at her, confused and slightly irritated "Look. I'm not a doctor, I dont know about all of this doctor crap. And I'm kind of drugged up. So could you please stop asking me questions like that and just tell me what your plans are?" Dean didn't mean to be a dick, but he's so tired of being at that stupid hospital, poked, prodded and woken up from sleep. He just wants to go home. Dr. Sands smiles gently and apologizes "So, pain pumps are little machines that go inside your body and pump steady doses of medicine into your cerebral spinal fluid. In your case, you seem to be answering to the Dilaudid quite well, so your pump would be delivering Dilaudid to help control your pain. Many RSD patients I have worked with experienced great relief from these pumps. If it sounds like something you want to try, we can get you started on the infusion trial as soon as today" Dr. Sands explained, crossing her legs and sitting back in the chair. "But the choice is yours. If it doesn't sound like something you want to try I can get you in touch with a fantastic Pain Specialist in Manhattan." 

Dean looks at Cas, Cas looks back. They exchange a silent agreement and Dean gives the doctor the go ahead. Dr. Sands smiles warmly and nods "Alright. So, this is what will happen with the trial..." Dean and Cas learn all about pain pumps, which drugs would be most likely to help Dean, the surgery, the trial procedure, and everything in-between. For the first time in a long time, Dean feels like he finally got a win. 

"After the trial, you will be released to go home." Dr. Sands announces and Dean's heart soars. "Thank you so much, you have no idea how much this means to us." Castiel says, his fingers intertwined with Dean's. "I agree with Cas. Thank you. I've been stuck like this for so long. It feels like a lifetime when it's only been a few years. The exhaustion, the pain... I have faith this will work, Doctor. Thank you." Dean's doctor smiles as they express their gratitude and let's Dean know she will return soon to get him ready for his procedure. After she leaves the room, Dean and Cas immediately crash their lips together in a wet, sloppy, celebratory kiss. Castiel parts Dean's lips and assaults his mouth with his tongue, fingers carding through Dean's hair, his hand on the back of his neck. Dean bites Cas's lip gentle before pulling away, their foreheads resting on one another's. 

"This is it..." Dean pants out softly, "I will finally have relief, Cas. No more pain." Castiel smiles softly. Kissing Dean once more on the nose. "I'll be there through it all. You will never have to go through any of this ever again, Dean." Castiel's heart feels as if it will explode. He never knew he could love something as much as he loved Dean. "I love you so much, baby. So, so much." Castiel says the words without thinking and Dean's eyes fill with tears, not because he's afraid, but because... for the first time in his entire life, he truly does feel loved. Not only that, but he loves someone he never thought would be in his life. Yet here that someone is. And he is truly the most beautiful soul Dean has ever laid his eyes on. "You and me, Cas. We're just good together. With you, I feel like I can do anything." Castiel smiles and, once again, Dean genuinely does too.

It looks like there will be a lot more time for many firsts with Cas. They have nothing but time.


	8. I Will Not Give You Up

"Alright Dean. Let's get you to bed." Cas murmured, pushing the wheelchair he purchased from a medical supply store down the street from St. John's Hospital, through the door of Cas's apartment as gently as possible. Dean was high from pain medicine and anesthesia; he was accepted for the intrathecal pain pump trial and currently had a tube sticking out from his back and attached to a bolus of Dilaudid in a little bag attached to the waistband of Dean's sweats. Grace followed next to Castiel, her leash around his wrist. 

Dean lifted his head and opened his droopy eyes. "Cas, I need to take Gracie to the park." Cas chuckled and pushed Dean all the way into his apartment, when Grace made it in after him he let the door shut behind him. "You two will have more than enough time for that later, Dean. You need to get some rest. You just had a procedure." He took Grace's leash off and set it on the little table by the door along with his keys, phone and wallet. The dog ran into Cas's living room and hopped on the couch, making herself at home and curling up on the cushion. Dean swore Grace loved couches more than him. Well, almost. Dean laughed at whatever his drugged up brain conjured up before turning his head to look at Cas "Ain't it a little early for bedtime, mom?" Dean drawled, smirking up at Castiel. If it were any other day, Cas would have bent Dean over right there in his kitchen and delivered a well deserved spanking, but Dean was far from sober and not in the best physical health; yet, for some reason, Castiel had the strangest idea that Dean knew well enough what was going on and was using the situation to the best of his ability to sass Castiel. 

Two can play at this game. 

"You cannot perform any amount of physical activity for 7 days, Dean. This includes but does not pertain to the following: bending, lifting, pulling, twisting, and in your case, attaching your prosthetic limb and going for a walk in the park with Grace. Please try to behave as best you can." Cas opened the French doors to his bedroom, it might as well be their bedroom now, and pushed Dean inside. While Dean was in the hospital, Cas had instructed Gabriel to purchase dog supplies for Dean's service dog. Grace now had a memory foam dog bed in the corner of his bedroom. "Cas. I know I've been high as a kite lately but I know for a fact that dog bed wasn't there before. Neither was that basket of toys or those bowls on the kitchen floor." 

Castiel parked the chair right next to the bed and put both breaks on. He went around to the front and helped Dean stand on his one leg, maneuvered him around and set him right back down on the bedded mattress. "Yes, I had Gabriel pick up a few things while I was in the hospital with you. I also hired a new VMD to take my place at the clinic so I wouldn't lose patients until I returned from leave," Cas explained as he continued to help Dean lie down in bed, rolling the comforter down to his waist and pulling the soft sheets up over his body. "The bed has a built in heating and cooling system, the bowls are stainless steel and the toys are all appropriate for a certain Golden Retriever who loves to chew." Dean looked up at Cas, he didn't remember... "Cas, I never told you about Grace's chewing habit. How did you find out about that?" Castiel took his shirt off and made himself comfortable on his side of the bed, "I called Sam and asked if she had any preferences in toys. I also purchased her favorite treats and some high quality kibble. She can stay whenever you're here." Dean didn't realize it, but Cas was pretty much inviting him to move in. 

His entire life, Dean had to take care of his brother. He was never allowed to put himself first. When he was a kid, his father was always gone on a drunken stupor, so it was up to Dean to complete the chores around the house for his mother and take of his brother while she struggled to keep up with her three jobs to provide for her sons. After he came home from Afghanistan, Sam tried to take care of Dean, but most of the time he found himself living his own life. So, when Dean found Cas and started being taken care of... it was foreign. Alien. Dean knew it shouldn't surprise him, being treated like this. It was the kind of treatment he should have had his entire life. However, circumstances proved otherwise time and time again, until now. 

Here was the most beautiful man Dean had ever laid eyes on (way out of his league, actually), laying next to him, running his fingers through Dean's hair in the soothing way only Cas knew how. It was so domestic, everything Dean had always wanted. Yet, he felt undeserving of it. "Cas?" Dean murmured, tears in his green eyes. "Hmm?" Castiel turned from the television at the front of the room, which was currently airing Desperate Housewives, to look at Dean. Dean licked his lips, a tear falling from his right eye. "Make love to me. Please." Castiel looked at him, confused "Dean, you just had-" Dean rolled his eyes and sighed "Castiel, make love to me. Now. Please." Cas sighed, kissing Dean's forehead before resting his own forehead against Dean's. "Dean. You just had surgery. You can't move your body too much, okay?" Dean nods furiously and reaches for his boyfriend, all needy emotions flowing through him. 

Castiel leaned down and gently pressed warm, chapped lips to Dean's. He brought his hand up to cup the back of Dean's head, his long, tan fingers tangling in blonde hair. Dean moved to roll to his side but Castiel had him pinned. Cas kissed Dean's bottom lip, pulling it between his lips to suck at it gently before releasing and kissing it once more. "No moving, Dean. You cannot dislodge that catheter in your spine. Can you stay still for me?" The words came out in a breathy murmur and Dean nods once more. Castiel moves his way down between Dean's thighs, resting his head against his good thigh. Dean whined, thrusting his hips ever so slightly, careful not to move his body. Castiel looks up at him and places his hand gently over Dean's erection. "Listen carefully Dean. I cannot have sex with you at this very moment, but I will make love to you. I'll have to be very careful, okay? As will you. Please do not arch your back, no matter how good this feels. It could cause serious damage if you do." Cas warned, his voice firm but gentle, "We do not want your spinal fluid to leak even more than it already is. Do you understand?" Dean nods once. "I do not want you to thrust harshly, no thrashing your body around either. You have to stay very still for me, Dean. Can you do that?" Cas asked again, he just wanted to make sure Dean understood the severity of the situation.

Dean whined slightly before taking a deep breath. "Yes, sir." He muttered, his words slurring from the drugs being pumped into his body at that very moment. "Good boy. Don't move." Cas whispered, gently pulling Dean's pants and boxers down and off of his body. "If it feels too good you can grip my hand as hard as you'd like. I promise you won't break me." Castiel reached up and thread his fingers with Dean's right after he gave him the permission to do so. Cas then dropped his head down and licked languorously from the base of Dean's balls to the tip of his thick, hard cock in one, broad, long drag of his tongue. Dean gasped audibly, his eyes rolling back slightly and fluttering closed. Cas scooted up and wrapped his left hand around the base of Dean's dick, he licked his lips once in preparation and, finally, parted them just enough to fit the swollen tip of Dean's gorgeous cock between them. Dean sighed out a broken whimper and reached a bandaged hand down to curl cold fingers into dark hair. Castiel glanced up before closing his eyes, slowly pushing his mouth downwards and hollowing his cheeks out. "Oh. Fuck. Castiel." Dean felt tears spring to his eyes, he wanted to fuck that mouth so badly but he promised Cas, and he won't go breaking promises. 

Cas took a deep breath through his nose and relaxed his throat, he opened his mouth slightly and slid down a little more. Dean felt his thick cock slide all the way down the wet, tight heat of Castiel's mouth and his hips involuntarily jerked ever so slightly "Oh my- fuck- Cas." Castiel put his arm across Dean's pelvis and pushed down gently to keep him still, a glare reached Dean's eyes and Castiel pulled back, letting his teeth graze against Dean's cock as punishment. Dean hissed at the harsh graze of teeth and Castiel sat up and leaned back on his heels, panting quietly. "Dean, if you move again I will stop. Don't. Move." Dean gaped at Castiel, who's lips were wet, red, swollen and deep blue eyes all fucked out; all he can do is nod reluctantly, his mind broken. 

Castiel laid back down on his belly and opened his mouth, slid Dean's cock all the way down and swallowed around it in one, smooth, swift movement. Dean almost passed out from such intense pleasure and Castiel reached up to put two fingers in Dean's mouth. Dean closed his mouth around them and sucked, drooling as he rubbed the pads of Cas's fingertips with the flesh of his tongue. Castiel groaned around Dean's dick, gyrating his hips against the mattress. Castiel quickly removed his arm from Dean's pelvis so he could pull his own hard, aching, leaking cock from his sweat pants. His eyes fluttered shut when his dick sprung free and layed heavily between his warm body and the cool sheets, he removed his fingers out of Dean's mouth and pulled his mouth free from Dean's cock once more. 

"Dean, I'm going to get the lube and finger you while I suck your cock. I want you to continue staying still for me. You're doing so good, baby. Keep making me proud." Castiel quickly got up and hurried to his nightstand, pulled the small bottle of astroglide out and placed himself back between Dean's thighs. Dean heard the family click of the bottle open and Cas squirting a generous amount on the fingers he was just sucking on. Castiel spread the substance around on his fingers and tossed the bottle to the side. He leaned down and kissed Dean's amputated limb, his lips feather light and gentle. He pressed the pad of his finger against Dean's hole and circled the ring of muscle gently; when he pushed inside Dean sucked in a deep breath and let out a long, high pitched moan. Castiel quickly found he liked that sound the most and worked his damndest to hear it again. 

He curled his finger into a come hither motion and felt around until Dean reached down and gripped the sheets as he cursed; There it is. Castiel smirked and sucked Dean back into his mouth, this time bobbing his head up and down in slow, long motions. His tongue rubbing against the sensitive underside of Dean's cock each time he pulled his mouth upward. Dean's breathing became erratic and his chest began to turn a deep, bright red. Castiel started rubbing the pad of his finger solely against Dean's prostate and deepthroated his cock everytime his mouth went down the length of it. "Cas-" Dean panted, his hips thrusting ever so slightly but not enough to count as movement. "Fuck- Cas. right there. Oh, right there." Dean angled his ass in such a way that allowed Cas's finger to get deeper inside of him. 

Dean reached down and placed both hands on either side of Castiel's head. Cas understood what he wanted to do and tightened his lips around Dean's dick, his tongue rested flat against it. Dean then fucked Cas's mouth onto his dick, moving his head up and down and short, fast movements, just enough to feel his cock moving in the back of Castiel's throat. Cas felt his throat constrict and tears pricked his eyes and Dean thrust hard one time into the back of Castiel's throat, screaming out his name as fire boiled through his belly and his cock throbbed and pulsed hot, bitter cum down Castiel's throat. Dean's vision went white, his ears filled with the sounds of ringing and the ocean inside of a seashell. 

When he came to, Cas was sliding his sweats back over his hips and clipping the little bag of medicine back to his waistband. Castiel had a dark, wet spot on his own grey sweats, which he quickly changed out of before getting back into bed with Dean, who, with Cas's assistance, rolled to his side with a quiet cry of pain and wrapped his arm around his boyfriend's waist. "Thank you, Cas." Dean murmured sleepily. Between the drugs going through his system and his completely fucked out, boneless body, Dean felt more exhausted than the last few days combined. Castiel wrapped an arm around Dean protectively and pulled a sheet up over their bodies, subtly checking Dean's wound, which was bleeding and beginning to saturate the dressings. "Dean. I need to check your wound."

Dean was already half asleep but conscious enough to allow Cas to sit him up. Castiel hurried to the bathroom to grab his first aid kit and sat on the bed behind Dean. He put a pillow in Dean's arms and instructed him to lean forward slightly. Dean felt a little warm when Cas took off the soaked bandages but not enough to warrant worry just yet. Pain can also cause low grade fevers. 

Cas wasn't a human doctor but animals and humans weren't much different. The wound looked good, nothing broken or broken. Dean winced slightly, the numbing medicine was starting to wear off. "What's the verdict Dr. Novak?" Dean questioned, gripping the pillow tightly. "This is actually making me nauseous so can we speed it up?" Cas could hear the strangled tightness to Dean's voice and tried his best to hurry. "The sutures are in good order, Dean. It just looks like you're having some bleeding. Maybe a tiny bit of spinal fluid leaking out, too. The catheter that is feeding pain medicine to your cerebral spinal fluid goes in the space where said fluid resides; it's normal to have some leaking. I'm going to apply dry, fresh bandages, give you a pain pill and you will rest." Cas applied the bandages with steady, practiced hands. "Okay Dean, we're done. You haven't eaten in over a day so I'll make you a quick smoothie." Dean glared at Castiel when he mentioned the word "smoothie". 

"Cas. I'm a warrior. I dont eat rabbit food or "smoothies". Dean said the word with air quotes. "I eat burgers, bacon and grease. Now if you dont have any of that lying handy I'll just take a percocet and some whiskey." Castiel glared right back at Dean "Dean. You're joking right? Can you please, for me, drink a strawberry banana smoothie? You need the electrolytes, vitamin C and energy." Dean rolled his eyes and nodded once. Castiel got up, helped Dean lay back down, and made his way to the kitchen. Dean felt himself jolt awake a few minutes later; he didn't realize he fell asleep. Cas handed him his smoothie and a Dilaudid pill, which Dean drank down in two minutes, then laid back down, closed his eyes and by the time he and Castiel made themselves comfortable in each other, both were in the land of dreams.


	9. Final Update-An Apology

Hi everyone. I know it's been a while... I have an explanation. 

As I mentioned, this story was loosely based on my experience living with RSD/CRPS. As a CRPS patient there's only so much that can be done to help alleviate the pain. As of 2018 there is still no known cure for this horrid disease. There are, however, treatment plans. I chose a particular plan that my body rejected, causing me to be sick with a pretty life threatening infection located in my cerebral spinal fluid. Since June 12, 2018 I have had 10 surgeries and procedures to try and help alleviate the rejection and keep the device inside my body. 

On July 24th, 2018 I was rushed to the emergency room where I was coded Septic. Thankfully i caught the infection just in time. Had i waited a few more hours I most likely would've been comatose in the ICU. Unfortunately, my body was already heading into that direction but I had enough willpower to contact my doctor and he helped get me to the proper hospital. 

What I'm trying to say is, the past 2-3 months I have been MIA and because of that I have lost the love, passion, drive and creative energy for this story. So... I must sadly end it here and abandon CYBNYF. I do want to mention, it will not be permanently abandoned. I do plan on coming back to this story and finishing it off. But right now, it is not in the cards. 

I want every one of you to know I am so very, very sorry I let you all down. I do have more ideas for Destiel and Stucky, so I do not intend to leave writing behind. I am so thankful, appreciative and humbled to have been able to share a little piece of this story with you all. 

Stay safe and be kind.


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